Another blog entry for the 8th of October.

It's 10:24 PM according to the clock on my laptop. I'm sitting in my dorm room, alone. I say alone like it isn't implied. I don't have a roommate, not really. I was assigned a roommate. His name is Codie. But Codie is never here. EVER. He's been here a few times. I haven't seen him for over three weeks. He lives with his girlfriend in her apartment somewhere off campus. There are a lot of perks to having your own room, and for the most part it is a great set-up. But I think I would be happier in some ways if I did have a real roommate. Melissa said to me a few weeks ago that I need a partner in crime, and an absentee roommate is not a partner in crime. I guess I sort of agree. Sometimes I'm lonely. Today, I am lonely.

You know, I don't want this to sound like I'm whining or complaining at all. I just want to convey how I am feeling, and today I'm not feeling so well. I don't know how I am going to get back to Marshall, either tonight, or tomorrow before 10 AM. Something is wrong with my car. What? I don't know. But that's what you get for buying a car with 235,000 miles on it. I got a helluva deal on it, and I'm not blaming anyone or anything. It just happens. So, I can't drive it; I have no ride of my own.

I am missing my mom. I am missing Madeline, as well as her family. I am missing my sisters. I'm even missing dad. I just feel like everything is working against me right now. And whereas I know that isn't logical, it still seems like it.  I want to believe God knows what he is doing and that he will work things out for the best. But honestly? Right now I'd settle for just really believing in God, period.

I could really just use some reaffirmation that I'm worth it. A kind word would go a long way.
And truthfully, I could really just go for a hug.