A letter to you.

I apologize for my short comings.
You asked me to please not contact you again today, December 12th, so I will not.
I love you and respect your wishes.
I hope you do not dwell on this situation.
I am usually the dweller, and the one to let things stew, so it's likely you won't.
I am not going to, either.
You've told me before that this is not the way to go about things.
And today you are giving me repercussions.
I understand what I've done wrong, and I will not repeat my actions.
You are so smart and I know that you care about me and are doing this for both of our well beings.
You asked me to assess why it is that I "do that to you".
I think it's because....you are my main source of love. Sure, I've got my mom and my grandma and my sisters and my other friends.
But there is something that limits in each of those cases. No one tells their family everything. And my friends are just not on the same level as you. They do not and never will have the connection that I have to you, and you me. I was IMing a friend of mine last night I was telling her how it is a misconception that people think "I'd die for this person, so I love them." Truth is, I'd die for almost anyone. The real question is "Would I be able to take a shit with the door open with that person around?" It's a vulgar analogy, but it's true (and based on experience!). When you can trust someone with the VERY most private parts of your life, that is when you know you love them. And you are THE person that I trust with the very most private parts of my life. All of my fears and insecurities, my hopes and my dreams, my weird thoughts that I wouldn't say out loud to anyone else.

So, here is my assessment: 
When I am trying to reach you I am actually trying to validate my own being by letting you love me. I have to learn to be more confident in and of myself. Because deep down, DEEP down, I know you aren't going to stop loving me if we don't talk for a while, or what have you. But on the surface and in creeping thoughts, I convince myself that if we aren't in contact you are growing away from me.
And as I've said, in the core of my being, I know this isn't true.

So, now that I'm putting to words what I've probably known for a while, I can work on it. And I can only grow. Sometimes I stumble and hit road bumps, but ultimately I learn how to keep growing. Thank you for helping me to grow, and for being the one who is growing along with me. I promise to never stop becoming a better person, or to stop  you from helping  me become that person.

 And eleven words to sum it up.

Strength
Behind your harsh words,
Still, I can hear
"I love you."