Right Now. Day. One.

I'm out of my first class. Now, I'm filling out more (already got like...15 this week, online and paper) applications. I've been trying every day. I want a job, friends. I need a job. For money, but really, to feel FULFILLED. I don't like not having a job. You might think I don't care. You might think it doesn't mean anything to me. Because in the past I have showed that. But not anymore. Lots of you reading this don't see me on a dailiy basis right now. But, I'm here and I'm doing...well. I can't say I'm doing what I can. Not yet. I have to figure out every nook and craney of what it will take to do ALL I can, because I don't want to settle for anything less. A girl I know who is beyond amazing told me a little while back "Never settle." And that is a philosophy I adhere to. Never settle. Ever. You can always do better and become a better version of yourself. Regardless of what anyone says, or knows, or think they know, I am already bettering myself this semester. It isn't a complete 180. That hardly ever happens. But in steps. I have been bettering myself and here is a proclamation/resolution/whatever you want to call it:

I'm not allowed on facebook unless ALL my homework is done.
I am not allowed to play cards on a day that I didn't get at least 7 hours of sleep the night before.
And I'm not going to use my phone to call/text anyone if it is going to take time away from something I NEED to be doing to spend time doing something I would like to be doing.

These are concrete, and I'm fucking DONE not sticking to things I say I am going to do to make myself a better person.
My parents didn't raise me to be lazy.
My teachers don't expect laziness
And my lazy friends? You are a bad influence. I'm sorry. I can't hang out with you anymore, and if I do it will be when it isn't as a detriment to myself.
That's it. This IS Day One.
I will not promise because promises can be broken and I don't want to even put that possibility out there.
I will only say that this is me, ready.
This is my LAST self proclamation blog.
That's all.

Direction message to you:
I know you want me to be the best version of myself. And I want that too. I just haven't wanted it enough.

I don't think one can ever want it ENOUGH. We always have to strive for better. Continually. And I don't think I have ever realized that before even though I have heard similar things.  I have something I'm not willing to risk again. I'm not willing show myself to be lazy or wasted intelligence. Because I KNOW, ME, I KNOW, I am more than that, and it isn't ANYONE else's job to make sure it gets done. It is MINE. And I am claiming it.