07 October 2011

Commentary on a previous post.

If it stands to reason it's probably false.
If it can be explained there's no way it makes sense.
--Both of these lines pretty much say the same thing.  It's kind of a realization that we understand far less than we think we do. If we think we have a pretty good grasp on a situation, that is probably when we are the furthest from the truth.
Just so you know, I think I'm going to be okay.
--Think is my tongue in cheek way of saying I know. But if I were to say I know, well, obviously I wouldn't know anything, would I?
 
I had a dream where I cut my wrists,
And it felt fine.
--I didn't actually do the cutting in my dream. But I had scars on my wrist. And I had legitimate "memories" of having done the cuts myself. It was an odd sensation. Having false memories. Because in the dream they were real; I really remembered doing it. And I didn't regret it. It was just a part of who I was, how I coped. I remembered the feeling it gave me and how it felt like release and I wasn't ashamed of it.
And, I don't know why I dreamed
That some of the guys and I were running from the cops,
--I was in a car with Nick Vitalone and some other guys I didn't know. We were smoking pot and driving around. A cop went to pull us over and Nick tried to hand me the bowl, like if we got searched and I had it I would take the fall alone. But finally Nick decided just to drive off, like a bat out of hell. We kind of lost the cops for a minute and ditched the car and ran on foot. Some us went one way and Nick and another guy went another way.
All I know is that we we escaped,
--We all got away. I don't really know how or why, but we did. It was weird because the dream took place on the north side of Terre Haute, not far from campus, but it was a dream version of the city. There were restaurants and buildings that didn't really exist, but my dream self knew the lay of the land as if I had seen it a hundred times.
And I woke up without scars.
--When I woke up the first thing I did was look at my left wrist. I was actually surprised to see that there were no scars, that I hadn't cut myself. I was almost positive it wasn't a dream. Even though I had clearly just woken up and I was in my bed at ISU...somehow my mind had believed that part of my dream. And the odd thing was, I wasn't relieved. Seeing my wrist un-scarred  wasn't reassuring in anyway. It almost felt wrong.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

That was exactly what I was looking for. Thank you. You know... if you ever fell down that road, you could talk to me. I can handle it and I won't treat it like something it's not. I GET it. And that's rare. Please tell me if you ever do.
That was good. I get it now. I liked that third line... clever.