I now am down to my final assignments. I have to finish my final draft of my Ethics in Harry Potter paper and then read and write a paper over Maus 2 for my multi-cultural American literature class.
Oh yeah, there are finals too. But that's it! It's finals week at the end of sophomore year. I'm ready to say good riddance. I definitely had a plethora of experiences and life lessons this year.
If you have been there you will understand this next statement and if you don't know what I mean...I can't explain it but this year has been simultaneously the quickest and slowest academic year that I can remember. I'm just so ready to dive into summer and recollect myself before the fall semester starts. The fall semester in which I will be a junior in college. That's so crazy, friends. I've made some bad decisions and I've made some good friends and as young as I am I'm starting to feel to old to live the life I lead. I'm no longer a child, and this year I've been having all kinds of trouble really coming to terms with that. I'm still coming to terms with it. What it comes down to is that I'm scared. I'm completely terrified of commitment, but it's time to commit to my life; to me. I really don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm pretty sure I want it to involve books. I'd love to work with a publishing company. I'd love to work at and own my own bookstore. But those are present desires. Like, if I could do anything at this station in life, those are the kinds of things I would choose. But those things are always subject to change. In the end, I believe I could be happy doing so many different things. It just comes back to committing to SOMETHING.
I need Jesus to help me out. More accurately, I need the peace that idea of Jesus offers me. I need wide open spaces and the smell of trees and the sounds of birds and children at play. I need the art I create and consume to point towards...something. Any direction, really. I need distance from certain people in my life and I need to become closer with some others. I need a re-centering, and more than anything else I need to fully believe in myself and all my decisions. Once I get that down, everything will fall in to place. I don't mean that I won't have to work and work hard for what I want, but rather that I'll know what pieces go where and I will no longer have to force the pieces of my life and self to fit together when they clearly don't.
I applied to be a camp counselor at Waycross this summer. My interview with Natalie, the camp director, is on Tuesday at 1:45. I really feel like the position could be an amazing experience. Grandma said it sounded like a blessing. I think she really gets how beneficial it could be to me. Mom and dad both mentioned the fact that it would be less money than if I were to work in a factory or some other full-time job over the summer, though they supported my decision as well. Besides, I had definitely already taken that into consideration. But when I told her about it on the phone today, I could tell gram understood where I was coming from when I talked about needing it for my mental health and personal sanity. It's funny, because usually grandma doesn't understand things like that, but I was happy to have her on my team today.
I need Jesus to help me out. More accurately, I need the peace that idea of Jesus offers me. I need wide open spaces and the smell of trees and the sounds of birds and children at play. I need the art I create and consume to point towards...something. Any direction, really. I need distance from certain people in my life and I need to become closer with some others. I need a re-centering, and more than anything else I need to fully believe in myself and all my decisions. Once I get that down, everything will fall in to place. I don't mean that I won't have to work and work hard for what I want, but rather that I'll know what pieces go where and I will no longer have to force the pieces of my life and self to fit together when they clearly don't.
I applied to be a camp counselor at Waycross this summer. My interview with Natalie, the camp director, is on Tuesday at 1:45. I really feel like the position could be an amazing experience. Grandma said it sounded like a blessing. I think she really gets how beneficial it could be to me. Mom and dad both mentioned the fact that it would be less money than if I were to work in a factory or some other full-time job over the summer, though they supported my decision as well. Besides, I had definitely already taken that into consideration. But when I told her about it on the phone today, I could tell gram understood where I was coming from when I talked about needing it for my mental health and personal sanity. It's funny, because usually grandma doesn't understand things like that, but I was happy to have her on my team today.
1 comment:
It's funny how people can surprise you that way, isn't it? I'm glad she supported you. It is less money, but over time, if you stick with it, it's more. And it's a summer job that may or may not give you work experience for a job in the future. Saying you worked with kids and really describing what you did means so much more than anything you can say about factory work. Every single scholarship application had a Waycross story. God means something to people. If you wanted to work in a factory for the rest of your life, then you should be starting now. But you'll be doing something better because you've been blessed with better. You should put your skills to use.
Also: into.
I haven't had to do that in a while!!
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