A run down.

Some of my favorite things:

The Gaslight Anthem
Doctor Who
Say Anything
Say Anything...
Being outside
Yummy food
People (in general)




So, lately I've been getting my shit together. But for real. Everything is just kind of coming together. I've not had to work super hard at it either, it kind of just all makes sense. I quit smoking weed about a month ago. I realized it had perforated most of the aspects of my life and being high had become the norm. It made me lazy. It was easy to make excuses for things while doing it and I didn't really want to do much else, or if I did I wanted to be high WHILE doing that thing. To be fair it does make you feel good. But so does running, as I have found. So does eating right and working and crazily enough NOT getting high feels pretty good as well. So that's going nicely. I have been eating a vegan diet for about two weeks, both for health and ethical reasons. I haven't felt too great about eating meat for a while now, and now that I know just HOW beneficial it is to your health to cut out meat, I really had no excuse. I would like to get to a point where I am eating only whole, unprocessed foods. Along with my diet change, I've also started running as I hinted at a bit ago. I love it. The first time I ran a few weeks ago I threw up. It was intense. I was not in shape. But since then, every run makes me feel good about myself and seeing my time slowly go down on my mile is also really cool. I would like to get to a point where I am running more than a mile at a time. A 5k is something I want to try and do before the summer is over. And a year from now I want to try and run a half marathon. That's 13 miles. That isn't as scary as I would expect it to be, to be honest. I know if I continue to work at getting my body in shape I will be more than capable of it. I haven't ran in a few days because I've been going to work pretty early each morning and it's pretty labor intensive, what I am doing. Push mowing and weed eating lawns, mostly. Incorporating in some riding mower, but not so much yet. For a 21 year old, I'm pretty illiterate when it comes to manual labor and working with things like mowers and what not. Luckily, Andy (the guy I am working for, on Marthann Markle's good recommendation) is really patient and helpful when it comes to getting me where I need to be to help him. He could easily get someone in town who is far more experienced than I am, but he chose me, which I am extremely grateful for.  Tomorrow we aren't going out as early, and I plan to run in the morning for the first time in a few days, and I'm really excited about that.

So, those are some ways I'm getting my body healthy. As for my mind, I am currently going to counseling. I signed up for it back in the fall, when I was struggling with some depression. By the time they finally got me in, sometime in April, I wasn't much better off. I had already realized I needed to cut out the pot and get on the ball job-wise, but I hadn't made any real motion toward that. But since starting things have really started to fall into place. I don't know how much of that I can accredit to counseling, but it certainly doesn't hurt. I think getting into counseling and actually going was a stepping stone to realizing that getting myself straight isn't that hard, it just requires a conscious effort. Which I have been giving, and intend to keep giving. Keeping in mind the mistakes I have made in the past, coupled with a great support system (that means you guys!) I think that won't be a problem. One more thing I've been doing to get my mind healthy and where I need to be is hanging out with people who are good for me and leaving those who aren't so good for me behind. I have a few friends who I felt weren't bringing me up, so I have stopped going around them. It's that simple. I don't dislike them, nor do I think they are bad people, it's just that who you align yourself with is highly important and I want to align myself with those who are there to build me up rather than tear me down. It sucks, in a way, because I am a pretty empathetic person and I know that the friends I've kind of dropped are upset and a little hurt. I know they don't get it. But c'est la vie.

That's where I am right now. I like the path I'm on. I have a hard time getting on paths sometimes, good or bad. It's like standing on a high dive above really cold water for me. I wait around there on the edge. Sometimes I will psych myself out and climb back down the ladder. Or I might fall off and execute the dive in poor form. It's like I have to just DO IT. Like most people, with most things, I suppose. Speaking of just doing it, next week I WILL go to ISU and figure out getting into classes for the fall semester. I really want to take some linguistics classes, and maybe a Spanish course as well. I've decided I am definitely going for a TESL (Teaching English as a Second Language) minor. I really think the Peace Corps. is the route I should go. I love helping people, and I want to travel. Hello? Obvious. And being able to teach English would be super helpful. And who knows? Once I have that certification, more opportunities I hadn't even considered could open up. But, first things first I HAVE to get on getting enrolled. No if, ands, or buts about it. I can't wait to get back over there and involved with UB and get active in clubs and organizations and CLASSSSSS.

To sum things up: I feel good health-wise, but am continuing to improve. I feel better mentally than I have in a while. I'm really glad to be working. I'm glad to know who my friends are and to leave behind those who are dragging me down. And, I am really excited about going back to school in the fall.

Oh, before I close, I just want to mention I've written a bit of new poetry lately. I'll post something on here soon. It's been too long.

Lots of love, friends.
Stay with me, if you dare.

-kyle gene