In which I trade some vices and talk about mental states.

I'm going to buy a coffee maker. I need to start using caffeine again and that seems about the cheapest route. I'm just not able to function on the amount of sleep I get with out some sort of stimulation. Proper sleep would be the OPTIMAL solution, but my rooming situation coupled with my already terrible sleep habits make that a very unlikely avenue, indeed. I'm ALWAYS tired. That's getting fixed. That is all there is too it. I'm done feeling tired all the time. I'd wager that my lack of motivation and drive to do anything stems from lethargy, so it's probably about time I get that taken care of.


Another thing: weed. I'm going to stop smoking on a regular basis. I'm not going to say I won't do it at all because I see nothing wrong with it in moderation. But it's getting pretty tough to deny that it isn't hard to function and get everything done while high. Also, I'm pretty sure I'm using marijuana as a sort of coping mechanism. And I am against that bullshit, flat out. So, no more marijuana until I get myself straightened out.

I'm breaking down mental barriers and refusing to buy my own bullshit in the form of rationalization for EVERYTHING. I told Linda Maule that I think I might be bipolar after class the other day, and she said I should go and get diagnosed one way or the other. She's right. But we also discussed the fact that if I'm not bipolar I have to own up the the fact that I'm just a lazy ass who doesn't apply self-control unless he feels like it. And that scares the fuck out of me. I use this possibility of mental illness as a crutch, an excuse. Which in and of itself is not healthy in any way, shape, or form and could be a signifier of a disorder in its own right. Geez. Reading this over there's NO WAY I am afflicted with any mental disorders. Not at all. :P

It is Monday morning and these are my immediate thoughts.