This spring break has gone by quickly. I don't quite know how that is, as I have spent most of it at home taking it extremely easy. That fact notwithstanding, I cannot say that this spring break hasn't been as eventful as last year's. Sure, I didn't go out to a concert halfway across the country but I'd say something just as big happened. Maybe even bigger, to be honest.
I found out that my oldest friend is moving to California. San Diego, to be exact. Cortney told me Nichole was moving a few days ago. Then yesterday I spent the afternoon with Nichole. We drove Lincoln Trail and we caught up...as we always do after a while. We talked about her life and what's been going on lately and how she is heading out to San Diego with Andrew on the 14th of this month. We pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant down on the lake, and she called Dan so I could meet him. Daniel Wadham is the name of the young man she is going to live with when she gets out there. I really appreciated her wanting me to "meet" him before she goes. It felt proper. It's a big step that she is taking, but I got a good feeling about Dan. And from the way she describes it, they are going to get on amazingly. I wasn't even sad or upset to find out she is going but...Five days from today and two days before her 20th birthday Nichole Wright will be moving to San Diego, California. Seeing that on the page is different than just knowing it. It's...a lot to take in. Believe me though, I couldn't be happier for her. We have a true friendship that is bigger than the confines of our small town lives and we both acknowledge that. Change has been a long time coming for her and it is really awe-inspiring to see her jumping in and finally taking control of her life. It is awe-inspiring and it is motivational. My prayers and best wishes will go along with her on her journey.
Nichole's isn't the only person around me who's life is moving forward.; she's just the most relevant in my life right now. There are plenty of my friends and family who are going major through life events, for better or worse is yet to be seen, in some cases. My sister is pregnant. My childhood friend Cortney is pregnant. Courtney Luke is moving out of her parents house and back to Washington, IN with her old friend Julian. Mom is starting to look into buying a home. Then there is me...
I'm here watching it all. I'm going through motions, and ones with which I am not particularly thrilled. I've been questioning my choice of vocation lately, and I know I need to really evaluate that.
I quite probably have a) depression b) bipolar disorder or c)a terrible work ethic. I just can't come to grips with it being option c. All through school I did well and succeeded and did extra-curricular stuff. Partly because I had more structure and in a way "had" to do those things. But now that I am in college without certain structural elements in my life, I've fallen apart. This spring break has been about sobering experiences conversations that will hopefully lead to more conversations and realizations. It's been a good time to recharge and acknowledge so many things that are going on in my life and to finally start giving those things the attention they I need to give.
I realize this post was kind of cluttered. It started out being about Nichole and ended up being about me. But this is my blog and I am allowed to make things about me. I don't mean that to sound selfish...I'm just reflecting, as it were. Putting in perspective how the lives of those around me affect mine, and how others actions and decisions affect my thoughts and feelings. End post.
1 comment:
You. Deep breath. This was a good post. This was insightful. You need that.
Here's what you need to do. Create structure. Even if it is depression or bipolar, that's something you need to do with now excuses. Create structure and if that doesn't help. If when you're doing everything right things keep going wrong, then you should take a step back and see if it's you or if it's bigger than that.
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